I Am NOT A Unique Snowflake

Thoughts from www.MarcoArash.com

Past Love

Edit: I’m putting this in around a year after I wrote this because of a song that is popular right now; it’s called ‘Your Beautiful’ from James Blunt. They lyrics are as follows and it means a lot to what I have written below:

I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.

You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.’

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

I think everyone has someone from their past (or will have at some point in their lives) that they cared about a LOT.
Someone that left you with bittersweet memories and thoughts.

The one that got away.
The one that was your everything.
The one that was your first.

However you look at it, this is someone who had an impact on your life.
I’m sure a lot of people have bumped into their exs but when you are like me and have only had two, it strikes you pretty hard when you DO in fact run into them.

Yesterday, I saw my ex-girlfriend of two years on the streetcar coming home from a movie (I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in around 5 years).

I was sitting at the front and this girl climbed aboard. It was so crowded that all I was able to see was the side of her face.
I kept glancing at her, telling myself, ‘That can’t be her’.
About five minutes after she got on, she turned around completely, so I was facing her straight on and it was her, but as soon as I noticed this, she got up and left.

My heart jumped up in my throat and I felt as if a truck was baring down at me at highway speeds and all I could do was keep staring at it, but my feet were frozen to the floor and my mouth couldn’t muster a single word.

It was crowded so I couldn’t really do anything and EVEN if I could, what would I say?
This is the girl that I thought would be with me for the rest of my life and we would never be apart.
Was it a teenager’s unrealistic dream?

After I got home and was able to calm down a bit and absorb what I saw, I thought back to one of my favourite films Vanilla Sky.
In the film, the protagonist meets a girl who is his ‘everything’ but only spends one night with her in which the possibility of true love existed.
The main character dies but the memories they shared on that one solitary night escalates to so much more in his mind.
Even though in real life she was just a great girl, in his dreams she was his saviour.

I have not seen my ex-girlfriend in so many years, but I have never been able to forget her.
I dated her for quite a while but even after it was over she has only grown in my mind and my dreams.

I have no clue what she is doing with her life at the moment but I hope she is doing great.
She looked amazing when I saw her; absolutely stunning.
She used to make me so happy and was such a calming force and nurturing sense of love in my life.

Reality is great; full of joy and despair.
A great balance; ‘the sweet is never as sweet, without the sour’.

Dreams are even better; full of extreme feelings.
But in the end, you wake up, realize what is real and what is fantasy and it hurts inside.
It really does.

Love is something that not all of us are blessed with but the ones that are lucky enough to share a true sense of it, truly hold it close to you.

March 17, 2006 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment