I Am NOT A Unique Snowflake

Thoughts from www.MarcoArash.com

Holding Onto Your Youth

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

Last night I was driving home late on a deserted highway and heard a song that I remembered liking when I was young, but I never really paid attention to the words.

Jack and Diane from John Cougar Mellencamp has a section that goes like this:

Come and save my soul,
hold on to 16 as long as you can.
Changes come around real soon,
make us women and men.

I started to think of how much truth that particular part had and started to get tears in my eyes, but at the same time I started to smile because of how much nostalgia I had connected with my past.

When I was younger I didn’t have to think or worry bout SHIT!
My priorities were school, chilling with friends and not making my parents mad.
I remember stressing out and telling myself how much ‘I hate my life’.

Now, at 25, I have actual WORRIES: mortgage, loans, career, bills, legal responsibilities if I am found guilty of a crime, and so on.

I have to deal with the implications of everything I do now, and don’t have my parents to fall back on if I fuck up.

If I’m sad and stressed, can I go cry to my parents? No.
If my girlfriend breaks up with me, can I just mope about the house, feeling sorry for myself? No.
If I want to just go bike riding or swim all day, can I? Not without telling my boss 2 months beforehand.

I remember wanting to grow up so quickly when I was a teenager.

I wanted my parents to give me a lot of responsibilities.
I wanted to hang out with older people.
I thought ‘life would be so much better when I live on my own’.

I wish to have my youth back so much.
I guess that’s why I still do a lot of foolish things and have a lot of younger people that I associate with. I want to feel that somehow I still have it firmly grasped in my hands but I know that I am losing my grip with everyday that passes.

February 9, 2005 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment